A Meditation on Divorce

Words. Diction. Phonetics. Language.

A system put in place for expression, organization, and intention. It is our system historically derived and based on the continually evolving culture. Culture decides the norm and infrastructure in which words have meaning and how they are defined. It also decided the emotions invoked by the words and the expectations carried out.

For example, divorce.

Traditionally, women were seen as property to their spouses. They couldn't own land, vote, and were seen as the one used to expand the family name. Men were allowed and expected to set and enforce the standards for their wives to live. Over time, rights were extended to women but women were rarely trained to be more than a child bearer. The expectation of a woman remained the same: to be dependent on their spouses financially, emotionally, and socially.

Finally, culture evolved. Women are, in most recent time, being trained to be self sufficient. This independence can be seen as a common strain in marriage traditional culture still used in present day. If a woman makes more money than her husband, it can be seen as emasculating. If a woman is emotionally independent, driven and educated it takes away the variable of codependency and changes the metaphysical shape of marriage. Instead of evolving and redefining marriage relevant to current time, couples use historical examples. This incongruence can be seen as a causation for divorce.

Historically, the word "divorce" is mangled with a multitude of negative connotations coupled with emotional and assumptions. Being in a state of divorce, people who were once in love are in hurt. Lives are anticipated to be divided, broken, hurting, torn and all words that embody a misshapen spirit. Divorce is shaped by ones feelings, insights, life experiences, interpersonal relationships and social expectations. One word devices and describes a multitude of negativity creating a sensory experience of low levels of vibration, dark or gray shades, harsh smells, and rough textures. Images of barren deserts or war torn fields or jungles being eradicated by deforestation come to mind.

Introspectively speaking...

What if you are spiritually whole? What if our spirit alone is enough? Your spirit appears fused together at each end like a closed shape protected by bright white light and infused with all of the colors of the rainbow. What if community, our interpersonal connections, are only an extension of our self and as we set limits and boundaries that allows the community to flourish around us.  If we see others as around us instead of an extension of ourself we can free our spirit of their vibrations and brokenness and build together.

If we see ourselves woven together as a flag or quilt, these shards of fabric can quickly dismantle with time leaving the entire piece with weathered holes and blowing strands into uncharted territory of the universe. Contrarily, a brick structure would imply pieces with individual integrity but having built on each other to better withstand the forces of time because one removed piece doesn't ruin the integrity of the entire structure. Bricks don't change other bricks, they simply support a structure. So when divorce or separation of two individuals occur the brick house still stands but differently. A dismantled brick home can then create two equally as beautiful homes and maintain the honor of the seasons, weathering, and life it once shared.

This metaphor is a visualization of the conclusion of a marriage, socially termed divorce. A celebration of what once was with two lives imprinted on each other that memorialize where two paths were once one. These paths are a physical testimony to love, space, live and energy that was shared and is allowed to continue to coexist with divorce. Acting intentionally doesn't have to evolve into the social expectation of bitterness and actions don't have to evolve to a place of hurt or hate.

Meditating on the celebration of the end of a marital path or life chapter our story can look like a reflection on growth, change, evolution, and the desire to move forward with peace. Two separate paths became one and are now moving back to its original state. These paths can continue to share what was once shared with fondness, peace, and a deeply rooted love. Hope and prosperity can be a value for each individual path coupled with basic love causing growth to occur in new directions.

Celebration, love, peace hope, growth and prosperity.

These are all brightly colored words illustrating a tapestry of earth green with life, floral smells, soft winds and comforting textures like a fleece blanket on a brisk evening. Sounds of birds in the spring welcoming there new births provide peace in what's yet to come. All of the sensory input elevates your vibration and welcomes you into a new life, a new chapter.

Lies of the Enemy

Racism still exists. Just because you don't experience doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Just because you don't want to talk about it or it isn't politically correct to talk about it, doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in conversation.

When someone believes LIES like:
Black children deserve a harsher punishment than white children
Black people being "thugs" disserve their punishments
A black person robbing a store is punishable by death
A black person is less disserving of a college scholarship than a white person
Equal rights opportunities laws means that minorities are less qualified than white people
Mexicans don't speak English
Mexican/Latinos don't disserve social welfare
Middle Eastern people are terrorists
Africans are all poor
Africans can only get to America by boat

Please know these are LIES of the ENEMY! Racism is a LIE of the ENEMY.
If my daughter gets into a college that you're white child doesn't... it might just be because she has better credentials.

I cannot sit back and let people deny racism in the US. Also, without acknowledging its presence we can't do anything about it. Education is the first step to moving forward.

Being a Mommy....

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Mommy. Then someone told me I had to get a real job with real ambitions... When I was tiny I told my mom, after careful consideration, that I wanted to be a firefighter (like my dad and a female firefighter Jo). My mother told me I couldn't be a firefighter and caused me to pursue the idea of what another career would be since mothering wasn't good enough. So then I wanted to be a veterinarian and soon I realized animals die and it makes people really sad. So, I thought I would be a zoologist and soon realized that it lacked interpersonal connection. After that my counselor in high school thought I would be a great nurse so he signed me up for a Nursing assistant class. After taking the class twice and working in a hospital setting, I realized I hated being under nurses. To me they were neurotic and failed to treat nursing assistants like real people. Instead they said yes or no like they had the power of a doctor. Doctors were nicer to the NA's because they saw the hard work and humanity they had to maintain to be adequate at their jobs. So, I thought about being a nurse. After taking anatomy and physiology several times and failing to pass it I realized maybe it wasn't destiny. It was confirmed with I realized that I don't butter up to superiors, I have my own mind, and I don't follow irrelevant rules. I have a defined sense of right and wrong that drives my motivation more than the rules.

So, with nurse, nursing assistant, zoologist, veterinarian.... mommy is left.

Here I am living my life long dream questioning if it is good enough. Society tells us that we should have this dream with this six figure income and pursue these higher values or ideals. My dream is to pursue biblical beliefs and teach my child the same. My life long dream as a little girl was to be a mommy and teach her.

While other girls were playing with different careered barbies, I kept mine in a box under my bed. I got my feet dirty being barefoot in the grass mothering my baby dolls, sitting them in little rows on my doll sized bunk beds and teaching them. I had every doll down to the special needs doll, felisika. I had a doll Katie that went to the store with me and rode in the baby seat. I had a doll Anna that looked after the younger dolls while I was away and set the example for the younger dolls. My best friend, Amber, and I had playdates with our dollies where we took them on her dad's boat over the water, we made them mudpies on her dad's grill, and walked them around our cul de sac.

So, here I am as a mommy. I grew Clara in my belly. I pushed her out. I have nourished her until she required more than just me. I have parented her patiently and gently, sometimes impatiently and not so gently. I have prayed over her and stayed awake at night worrying if I am teaching her enough or parenting her good enough. I worry if I am meeting my own expectations and everyone's expectations all at one time.

Then today I had this epiphany about my dream life: A mother is supposed to be is the mother I am. It is the mother that God created me. No one has higher parenting expectations than myself. No one worries more about my child's well being than me. No one is worried if I am doing it right enough than me. There is nothing in the world I hold myself more accountable for than my parenting skills and my daughter. I have accepted the challenge that God has given me and have chosen to shepherd my child's heart to him, granted I am no where near perfect, this is my commission from God and I will give it my all until he tells me it's time for something else.

Moms, You are the best parent for your child. You are their teacher. God gave you him or her and them you. Believe you can have the character God needs you to have for your child. You are adequate.

Understanding my Child helps me understand God.

As I relearn to experience the world through the eyes of my eighteen month old, I often envision God's feelings being much like hers. My toddler has minimal control of her world. Right as she is in the height of playing she is whisked away into the car so that she can be confined into her car seat and driven to a new place. I wonder if God gets frustrated the same way that she does when we place these same ideals placed on him. So often I find myself having Jesus time, bible study, or prayer then moving about my day on my own path. Or I put my hope in the Lord until it makes me uncomfortable with the ideas that God has in store for my life because they are out of my control.

I grew up in a tiny maybe two hundred member Methodist church. I was taught the ten commandments, that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, Noah built the ark, Jesus performed miracles, and many other rudimentary concepts of the bible. I was told that Jesus loves me and that we pray to God. I religiously went to church every Sunday to "find Jesus" (as we jokingly used to call it). We were often told about the omnipresence of God. Every summer I went to Christian camp and every fall I went to youth seminars where I experienced God's love over and over.
   

"Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God..." -Hebrews 6:1

It wasn't until I experience the power of the Holy Spirit that I realized about God's all encompassing capability and I realized that I had God comfortably in a box. Everyday I find myself struggling with the concept of letting him out or leaving him in. Each day I decide whether to accept his presence and favor with me or leave him in the box and take my own path. Most days, I quite honestly live and dwell within myself where I am comfortable.

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.  But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. -Romans 8:9-11

I find my day looking like:
Wake up, check Facebook, read Twitter (I am newly a tweeter @mollymiser), change Clara's diaper, get dressed, make and serve breakfast, check Facebook, decide upon the activities of the day, etc.

WHERE IS GOD?

The same place that Clara feels. I can imagine he is probably frustrated that I left him in a box in the back of my head or in the bible I left on the shelf. I can envision him sitting in the back seat of my car waiting for me to engage him. I can see him watching me on the phone or texting or using checking social media. I can see him looking out the window and seeing his glory and pointing to me as I ignore his creation and talk on the phone. I can see him trying to feed me his knowledge as I continue cooking and saying, "no thank-you, I am busy."
        

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. -Revelation 3:20

Then when I am frustrated and Clara is screaming at the top of her lungs, I remember all of those times she extended her energy to me and I ignored it. While they may seem like tiny events in the day, every moment is precious to a toddler and every moment is precious to God. When Jesus came to the world you didn't hear about him walking around immersed in everyone else's story. He created his own. He created us to love him and nurture our relationship with him in the same way he created parents to cultivate their relationships with their children.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

I pray that you cultivate your relationships with God and your children with the love of the Lord and his desires.

Love  you.

Our kids are God's, not ours.

When people compliment me on my daughter's curls, her big brown eyes, her long eyelashes, her cuteness, her sweetness, her intelligence, or her well-behaved manner I am gracious to God her heavenly Father for giving her lovely assets. Everyone has heard the line, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out." I remind myself everyday that God brought her into this world. God chose to plant her spirit inside of her little body and God can take her home any day at any given moment. Some people may think I am morbid for thinking this way but this reminds me everyday that I am blessed.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5

I view Clara as a gift from God to me and her father. It reminds me that God gave me an opportunity to parent her and an opportunity to show her His wonder and His glory. God gave me her so that I can mirror his grace to her so that she will love her eternal Father. God gave me her to protect her from the evil forces of the world, show her his love, guide her to my best ability down the straight and narrow and teach her when she falls from his will. God also inspired me to show her the unconditional love he shows us with any circumstance that arrises.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalm 139:13

So remember, God gives and he takes away (Job 1:21). It's so easy to take life for granted until they are not there and you are that parent holding your child for the last time as God calls them home for some foreseen or unforeseen circumstance. Anything can happen and we are living in the last days. Never take life for granted. Even when your little one seems unmanageable, while she's throwing a fit in the middle of floor at the grocery store because she wants candy, remind yourself to let their heavenly Father deal with them. Pour prayers over them. Speak words of life into their hearts. Mirror our father's love so that it is unmistakable to them in comparison to the world they are living in.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Love you.

Bored and need a good DRAMA? Hosea.

Ladies, we all love a little bit of drama in our lives! We all love a little bit of who's with who and who is causing what kind of drama updates in our lives sometimes. While we all would agree that we hate drama and wish there wasn't any in our lives, we all secretly carry a low level constantly.

IF you can have any level of drama have it Jesus-style. There is no need to go any further than the old testament to find a bumpy novel. Hosea has DRAMA!

The other day, Clara was sleeping so I picked up my bible and decided to get a little reading in during her nap. I opened my bible and thought, "I wonder what the old testament even talks about." I usually sway away from the old testament because of the names that always throw me for a loop but Hosea some how caught my attention.

http://www.twoedgegraphics.com/pages/BibleClprt.html

First, it opens by talking about his harlot of a wife. A thesaurus says that a harlot is also a floozy, tramp, hussy, etc. Apparently this is a more formal term for...well a girl who sleeps around.

Then God tells him to stay with her!

Then somehow because of her hussiness, this ends up cursing Israel who renounces the presence of God and the wrath that God has for them. He starts talking about women's uteruses being cut open, fire and other craziness. DRAMA!

You should read this.

Here are a couple of tidbits and take homes:

Hosea 2:19-20 (NIV): I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.

Hosea 4:14 (NIV): ...a people without understanding will come to ruin!

Hosea 6:3 (NIV): Let us acknowledge the lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear.

Hosea 10:12 (NIV): Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.

Hosea 11:10 (NIV): They will follow the LORD; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west.

Hosea 12:6 (NIV): But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always.

Hosea 14:9 (NIV): ...The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Good News for us!
Love you - read it. Good little tidbits! LOTS of DRAMA! A fun little roller coaster.

Who do you follow?

There was a point in my life when I realized that a lot of my friends on facebook weren't actually friends. I had Negative Nelly, Worrying Willy, in Constant Crisis Cindy and many other friends that weren't moving in the direction of my life. It is so important to have people in your life with the same values and momentum as you. If you are a facebook-aholic like me, and everytime you open facebook there is Negative Nelly and Put-you-down Patsy, it is time to either A- UNFOLLOW these people or B- Simply UNFRIEND them.

Proverbs 13:4 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise."

http://www.troll.me/2011/09/21/thumbs-up-
jesus-says/hmu-on-twitter-i-follow-back/

Your friendship are not and should not be constructed by a social media network. If it is, you need to develop those relationships or let them go. There are so many people that are friends with me on facebook that I have simply unfollowed because I am not quite ready to let them go but have no interest in their posts. I want positive energy following in my life, the fruits of the spirit and encouragement. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Let's not ever EVER give up on encouraging one another. All in the same breath, if someone is not encouraging you, it might be time to let them go. You are the light of the world, don't let people blow it out, drag it across the bush or hide it with their negative commentary. Hide them! Hide them in your heart, pray for them, but don't let them get in the way of the message of God you have for your fellow friends.

If these people aren't encouraging you, yoking with you, professing their faith and the word of God with you, praying for you and lifting you up. Seriously consider unfollowing them.

Here are some AWESOME people to follow:

• Joyce Meyer Ministries
• Kimberly Jones-Pothier
• Susanne Cox
• Upworthy - not necessarily Christian but I enjoy seeing the positive news
• Humans of New York - Definitely not Christian or conservative but people's stories are so powerful (Revelation 12:11)
• Grandma Betty33 - if you ever need a sweet grandma, consider adopting her
• Heather Lindsey - A sweet christian lady who loves Jesus

Girls, Ladies, and Pals: If you arent being encouraged find you favorite Christian band, speaker, author, and pastor and friend/follow them. Fill your wall with God's word and his define appointments!

Love you!!!