After having a baby we all suffer from some degree of postpartum blah. Whether it looked like full on depression, depression and anxiety, anxiousness, an obsessive need to have your house clean, or the feeling of bliss; a baby changes everything. For me, it looked like on obsession with being a good mommy, a constant sadness, constant crying, constant cleaning, constant nervousness, and constant feeling of not being myself. Most women look at postpartum depression like a clinical diagnosis or the "baby blues." Ladies this is a real thing. As my baby is now 13 months old I am finally feeling back to my normal self, or whatever that may be. The balls are all juggled instead of dropping one everyday. I am not crying everyday, or every other day for that matter. I would say that Chris and I argue less and we have both transitioned into parenthood well.
This has been a HUGE transition. Chris and I MET in August of 2011. We began living together around January or February. We were pregnant in March or April of 2012. We had Clara in November of 2012 and were engaged in December of 2012. Now, November 2013 Clara is one and October of 2014 we will be married. Can you say HUGE milestones? Our relationship has finally hit a plateau that will only be here until we are married. Then we will have another transition.
Sooo... talk about POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION?!?!!! I barely met this guy. Most of my friends who have kids have been together for years and are having issues in the life of parenthood. We had been together for months before we conceived.
So, if you are feeling depressed, like your life is spiraling out of control, I have been there too. I walked that journey of being in the middle of the grocery store and bursting into tears for no reason at all. I have been nursing my baby with tears running down my face because I am not sure if its an amazing moment or a beautiful disaster. I have had my moments where my need to clean because for some reason it was going to define my ability to parent my child or function in the world around me. I even had secret moments in days where I was envisioning myself leaping from our fourth floor balcony. I thought about shaking my baby, I even envisioned it. But I never did because my love for her meant more than life to me.
These are real moments in my life. They might be crazy but they were definitely real. Finally I went to my GYN and told her about my issues and she agreed that I was definitely not the bubbly girl she new prior to pregnancy. Welbutrin XR later, I was perking up. But honestly, I think time and being surrounded by support was the biggest healer. More than that, God was the healer!
If you are in the trenches of PPD, know that it will get better! One day you will look back on it and realize you are looking back on it and not in it. You will breathe a sigh of relief and might even want another kid.
Molly
